patience… and endurance…

Following on from Run Fatboy Run, it actually got me thinking an awful lot about patience and endurance… Well, to put it a better way, thinking MORE about patience and endurance, as they had come up quite recently before…

Again, I don’t really want to spoil the movie for people… but it’s kinda pivotal to explaining my thoughts… so if you havent seen the movie and you want to see it unspoiled more than you want to read this post, you have been warned! This post WILL contain spoilers!!

So, there is a point in the movie when Simon Pegg’s character is running in the marathon. He is running a marathon having done not enough training and not being in the best shape. Not only that, but at this stage he is running on a badly sprained ankle. He is running to prove to his ex-fiance that he has changed. He knows she may not care, but he is wanting to prove to himself as much as anything. So anyway, he comes to the point where he simply ‘hits the wall‘…
He has a choice to make… to give up, give in to his pain, fatigue and exhaustion… or to go on, break through the wall, and prove himself… needless to say, to go on would feel like agonising suicide with every single step. To give up would be sweet relief.

I’ve been finding myself in similar situations lately… wanting to give up for example, or wanting to say something when I know I should hold my tongue… wanting time to pass faster, wanting things to be different… wanting to blog about more than I probably should…

But there you go, in that last paragraph I used the word ‘wanting’ 5 times… it was all about what I WANT… and as God has shown me, so VERY clearly, in the past, what I want may not be whats best for me… and even when it is, to have it right away may not be appropriate, or indeed what is best… to give up may not be the best decision… to have things a different way may not be whats best, for me or for others… no matter how much I may want things to be different, or want to give up, or want things done quicker or slower or even wanting to understand!!!!!!

I don’t know what God’s plan is. I don’t know why He would choose me for the tasks He has chosen me for. I don’t know why He allows things to be the way they are. I don’t know why He permits things to be so difficult sometimes… I don’t know why some things take so long, and why some things don’t take long enough. I don’t know why I’m meant to experience some things, and other people are meant to experience other things. And I WANT to know why… but there you go, another want… sometimes what I want is good for me, sometimes it’s good for me in time… sometimes it isn’t. I just wish I UNDERSTOOD the decisions God has made… I know and I trust that they are right, and they are best… but it can be so frustrating when you want to know WHY… especially when you work with a mind of maths and logic!! lol

Anyway, I kinda deviated there slightly… patience and endurance are hard – especially given everything I talked about in that little rant… it’s hard to push yourself when you’re so ready to just give up and ‘die’. It’s impossible, actually… I guess thats why patience is a fruit of the Spirit – it has to come from God! And endurance… I just pray that God would grant me more and more patience and endurance as I live out this little life… and some wisdom and understanding would be nice too…